Did you know that the name "Snickers" candy bar came from the Mars families favorite horse.

It was a sunny afternoon when Bob said to George, "Hey, George, why don't we get ourselves 2 horses? We could ride them in the summer and in the winter we could put them in the paddock behind the house." George thought it was a great idea, so the next day they went out and bought themselves 2 horses. They rode them in the summer, but when winter came George got worried. He said "Hey, Bob, how are we going to tell them apart next spring?" Bob said, "Well, I'll shave the mane off mine and you shave the tail off yours." This satisfied George, so he did. The next spring when they went back to get their horses they found the horses' hair had all grown back. Alarmed, George said, "Oh great, now how are we going to tell them apart?" and Bob said, "Well, you can have the black one and I'll take the white one."

A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to bloody walk home."

Three racehorses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow! A talking greyhound!"

Countdown to the best error in a horse ad.

21. Appleloosa for sale.

20. Willingly piaffes & massages.

19. Bay 3-yr-old, lightly started, lounges well.

18. Cooked semen available.

17. Welsh filly, pretty head & eye. Just stared over fences.

16. 3-yr-old TB mare, recently startled under saddle.

15. Aged race gelding, has four clean kegs.

14. Rider must sell: horse going to college.

13. Gray pony, very athletic, broke to dive.

12. Small horse farm for sale, 33 acres, large fenced pastures plus three small haddocks.

11. Attractive gelding for Combined Training, ready to brake in the spring.

10. Aged Warmblood mare, no lices. Reasonably priced to good home.

9. Registered Hockey Club mare.

8. Super mover-gloats over the ground!

7. Always in the ribbons over fences & thunder saddle.

6. Select young stock for sale, top scores at insurrection.

5. 1899 filly offered for sale.

4. Oldenburg colt, will manure to 17 hands.

3. Young Hanoverian, started u/s, bumping over small courses.

2. Many sport horses for sale, all apes and sizes.

1. LFG-Live Floral Guarantee.

The countdown above is courtesy of
Hunter & Sport Horse Magazine Subscriptions: 800-554-7470

Thinking of dating a horsewoman? Please read the following carefully:

Easy to Locate.- She's either off on the horse or out in the barn.

Upholds the double standard - Smooches with the most bewhiskered beast, but recoils when a man needs a shave.

Owns one vacuum cleaner - and operates it exclusively in the barn.

A social butterfly - providing the party is given by another horsey woman. Falls asleep in her soup at all other functions.

Economy minded - Won't waste money on permanents, facials, or manicures.

A culinary perfectionist - Checks every section of hay for mold but doesn't blink when she petrifies dinner in the microwave.

Occasionally amorous - but never leaves lipstick on your collar, at worst, slight trace of chapstick.

Easy to outfit - No need for embarrassing visits to uncomfortable little boutiques. She can find all she wears at the local tackstore.

Features a selective sense of smell - Bitterly complains about the sticky-sweet cigar smoke of others while remaining totally oblivious to the almost visible aroma of her barn boots drying next to the heater.

Unmistakable in a bathing suit - She's the one whose tan starts at the nose, ends at the neck, and picks up again at the wrists

A dedicated club woman - as long as the words "horse" or "riding" appear in its name.

Has your leisure at heart - Eliminates grass cutting by turning every square inch of lawn into pasture which, in turn, converts itself into mud.

A master at multiplication - She starts with one horse, adds a companion, and if it's a mare, she breeds it.

Keeps an eagle eye on the budget - Easily justifies spending six hundred dollars, but croaks when you blow ten on bowling.

An Engaging conversationalist - Can rattle on endlessly about training or breeding.

Socially aware - Knows that formal occasions call for clean boots.

A moving force in the family - House by house, she'll get you to move closer to horse country (and farther away from your job.)

Easy to please - A new wheelbarrow, custom boots, or even a folding hoof pick will win her heart forever.

Sentimental fool - Displays a minimum of six 8x10 color photos of the horse in the house and carries a crumpled snapshot of you (taken before you were married) somewhere in the bottom of her purse.

Shows her affection in unusual ways - If she pats you on the neck and says "you're a good boy," believe it or not, she loves you.

A lady decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the lady begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the lady attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

Thank Goodness for heros

Horses in Heaven?

An old man and his horse were riding down this dirt road with fences on both sides. They came to a gate in the fence and looked in; it was nice, with grassy, woody areas—just what a old horse and man would like, but it had a sign saying 'No Trespassing' so they walked on.

They came to a beautiful gate with a person in white robes standing there. "Welcome to Heaven" he said. The old man was happy and started to ride his horse in.

The gatekeeper stopped him. "Animals aren't allowed, I'm sorry but he can't come with you."

"What kind of Heaven won't allow animals? If he can't come in, then I will stay out with him. He's been my faithful companion all his life, I can't desert him now."

"Suit yourself, but I have to warn you, the Devil's on this road and he'll try to sweet talk you into his area—he'll promise you anything—but the horse can't go there either. If you won't leave the horse, you'll spend Eternity on this road."

So the old man and horse rode on. They came to a rundown fence with a gap in it: no gate, just a hole. Another old man was inside. "S'cuse me Sir, my horse and I are getting mighty tired, mind if we come in and rest in the shade for awhile?"

"Of course, there's some cold water under that tree over there, along with a bucket to water your horse. Make yourselves comfortable."

"You're sure my horse can come in? The man down the road said animals weren't allowed anywhere."

"Would you come in if you had to leave the horse?"

"No sir, that's why I didn't go to Heaven; he said the horse couldn't come in. We'll be spending Eternity on this road, and a glass of cold water and some shade would be mighty fine right about now. But, I won't come in if my buddy here can't come too, and that's final."

The man smiled a big smile and said "Welcome to Heaven."

"You mean this is Heaven? Horses ARE allowed? How come that fellow down the road said they weren't?"

"That was the Devil and he gets all the people who are willing to give up a life-long companion for a comfortable place to stay. They soon find out their mistake, but then it's too late. The animals come here, the fickle people stay there. God wouldn't allow animals to be banned from Heaven. After all, He created them to be man's companions in life, why would he separate them in death?"

- Author Unknown

Basic Rules For Horses Who Have A Barn To Protect

THE ART OF SNORTING: Humans like to be snorted on. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family horse, to accommodate them.

NEIGHING: Because you are a horse, you are expected to neigh. So neigh - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting the barn and communicating with other horses. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing you, Neigh, neigh, neigh..

STOMPING CATS: When standing on cross ties, make sure you never --- quite --- stomp on the barn cat's tail. It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the architectural industry.... chew on your stall wall, the fence or any other wooden item.

FRESH BEDDING: It is perfectly permissible to urinate in the middle of your freshly bedded stall to let your humans know how much you appreciate their hard work.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always pull all of your hay out of the hay rack, especially rightafter your stall has been cleaned, so you can mix the hay with your fresh bedding. This challenges your human, the next time they're cleaning your stall - and we all know howhumans love a challenge (that's what theysaid when they bought you as a two year old, right?).

DOORS: Any door, even partially open, is always an invitation for you and your human to exercise. Bolt out of the door and trot around, just out of reach of your human, who will frantically run after and chase you. The longer it goes on, the more fun it is for all involved.

GOING FOR TRAIL RIDES: Rules of the road: When out for a trail ride with your owner, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

HOLES: Rather than pawing and digging a BIG hole in the middle of the paddock or stall and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over so they won't notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

GROUND MANNERS: Ground manners are very important to humans; break as much of the ground in and around the barn as possible. This lets the ground know who's boss and impresses your human.

NUZZLING: Always take a BIG drink from your water trough immediately before nuzzling your human. Humans prefer clean muzzles. Be ready to rub your head on the area of your human that you just nuzzled to dry it off, too.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while frolicking in the paddock, use one of the other horses to absorb your fall so you don't injure yourself. Then the other horse will get a visit from the mean ol' vet, not you!

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of horses. Rock back and forth on the cross-ties, neighing loudly and pawing  playfully at this person. If the human backs away and starts crying, swoosh your tail, stamp your feet and nicker gently to show your concern.

Thought the following poem was nice.  Author unknown. "When I Am Old....."

When I am old
I shall wear diamonds
And a wide brimmed straw hat
With ribbons and flowers on it

And I shall spend my social security
On white wine and carrots
And sit in the alley of my barn
And listen to my horses breathe.

I will sneak out in the middle of a summer's night
And ride the dappled mare
Across the moonstruck meadow,
If my old bones will allow.

And when people come to call, I will smile and nod,
As I walk them past the gardens to the barn
And show, instead, the flowers growing there
In stalls fresh-lined with straw.

I will learn to shovel and sweat and
Wear hay in my hair as if it were a jewel.

And I will be an embarrassment to all
Who look down on me
Who have not yet found the peace in being free
To love a horse as a friend.

A friend who waits at midnight hour
With muzzle and nicker and patient eyes

For the kind of woman I will be
When I am Old.